# Kultura > Letërsia shqiptare > Krijime në gjuhë të huaja >  Inner Expressions

## ildushja

Finally after being told about this part of the forum, I'm posting my poems here. 
Several of them have been posted in PDG, but I'll post them here again!

Thank you for flying with ildushja airlines, buckle up, and enjoy the ride!    :^gg 

*" After You "*  

After you I don't know
Don't know if I can love again
Not sure where my heart belongs
I'm not sure where to go from here
Or what to do without you
Everything I do
Feels so new
I don't know what to say
How to walk
My heart doesn't know how to feel
I don't know how to cry;
You never let tears fall from my eyes
But now you're gone
You're not here to protect me
The world's so cold without you.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Art Blossom "*

Happy blossom kiss me
Take my breath away
Solar candy love me
Just don't take the dawn today
Violet baby hurt me
I'll still kiss your heart and hand
Baby only hold me
Maybe let the day begin.
Close your eyes and save me
Ready from the very start
Luscious beauty leave me
You can turn my pain to art.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Circle Me With Love "*

Circle me with love
Touching who I am
Ride the slide around
Find me at the end.
Who cares if it's dark
My back awaits the wind
Ride the slide around
Find me at the end
Circle me with heart
Warm and like the sun
Climbing up the monkey bars
We'll pretend they're stepping stars
Circle me again
Discover who I am
Ride the slide around
Find me at the end.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Cotton Doll "*

My father is a cotton doll
I love his smile most of all
Inside my heart, dark red
I'm dancing with the dead.
I tried to chase the skies
Flowers fill my room, closed eyes
Oceans choke my heart, tonight
I'm dancing with the pale
Flowers fill my soul, disguised
Oceans choke my heart, I cry
Life is hurting
I have worried
I have feelings
I have burried
His cancer hurts me most of all
My father is a cotton doll.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Dreamer, Take Tomorrow "*  

I guess, when you dream
Something stays awake
I guess, when I dream
Something runs away
I'm happy for everyone
Even thoughI'm sad
I'm happy for everything
Please don't chase my path
When you dream, I guess
Something leads the way
So I dream, I guess
Something calls to me
I'm scared, colorful ribbons
Even thoughI'm living
I'm scared, not to mention
Strong hearts are so unforgiving
When you sleep, I guess
Something helps you breathe
So I breathe, I guess
Something made me dream
I'm happy, for everyone
Even though I'm sad
I'm happy for everything
Please don't chase my path.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Ever So Gently "*

You touch me ever so gently
Yet I still pull away
Turn my head as if you're not there
Hoping you will understand
Understand that I have been broken already
Infact you can still see some of the cracks
The scars beginning to form on my wrists
The bones protruding through my clothes
Even the bruises of too many bad memories just beneath the surface
I can no longer show my affection
Even the tears that once came throughout the lonely nights have ceased
No longer forming at the corners of my eyes as I try to force it all away
In the sweet esccape of sleep
I do want your love
I'm starving for it infact
Both outside and in
I long for you as I push you away
And I ask that you understand
But I don't understand it myself.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Feeling "*

Something stirring in my soul
Something making my heart whole
For some reason it wants me to be
But it can't stop hurting me
I can't help but want to cry
I'm frightened and I don't know why
My breathing has gotten slow
I need to stay, but want to go
Feeling, tell me why you're here
Give up control and let me steer
I don't like being blind
I want possesion of my mind
Captivity might be easy for you
But feeling you are new
I'm not used to seeing through your eyes
I don't want to say your good-byes
Frightened, huddled on the floor
Feeling, please, open the door.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Forgive And Forget "*

Will you not forgive me?
Will you not forget?
Will you persecute me
For something I regret?
I said that I was sorry
For taking away your fun
For getting mad at you
For something I had done.
I hope you'll let it go
And still will be my friend
For losing you would be a loss
I'd regret to the end.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Happy To See "*

If once
You could see
What I can see
Just once
You would be as happy
As I can be.
Knowing you
Makes it all wash away
The pain, the suffering
Can never stay.
If once you could perceive
The thought of my thoughts
Would provoke you to grieve.
The pains I go through
And the tears that Icry
Hopingyou'll notice
As the time shuffles by.
Sorry
We were friends
We thought we'd never part
ButI hurtyou
And you broke my heart.
The blood started flowing
The names began calling
If I hadn't known better
I'd say we were falling.
Now you hate me
And I'm not sure why
When I hear those names from you
I break down and cry.
I tried to be strong
To make it through
But I lost my touch
And realized I need you.
You were a friend
Who was there when needed
ButI didn't care
Your feelings weren't heeded.
I want to say sorry
I hope you'll accept
Because you're a friend
I wish I had kept.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" I Hate "*

I hate myself
I hate my life
I hate my dreams
I hate my eyes
I hate the way I think
I hate the way I breathe
The way I sing...
I hate the things I say
The words I write...
I hate the day
I hate the night
I hate this mood
I hate the truth
I hate my face
I hate my shoes
I hate the world
But I LOVE YOU!

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" I Hate You "*

I hate how I fall for your sweet little words
I hate how you make me feel
Like you're my enitre world
I hate how you can make my day turn blue
I hate how sometimes, you don't act like you.
I hate how you think I'll always be there
Like a delicate flower, I also need care.
I hate how you can turn a frown into a smile on my face
Especially when you were the reason
I was frowning in the first place.
I hate everything about you
I hate you so much
I hate the way you talk
All the way to your soft touch.
I hate how you're so good at everything you do
All I can say is I hate you!
I hate how you don't appreciate
So much that I do
Don't you get it?
I hate that I love you.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Never Meant To "*

I never meant to hurt you
Never meant to make you cry
I never meant to be untrue
Or confuse you with a lie.

I never meant to be so rude
And not try to understand
I never meant to make you feel so trapped
Like you were at my command.

I never meant to make you feel bad
And make your day turn blue
Never tried to change your ways
I like the real you.

I'm sorry if you misunderstoof me
And I'm sorry for not showing that I care
I'm sorry if I never showed my love for you
But just know that it is there.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" If I Had "*

If I had a million stars and I lay them on the ground
I could play the sweetest music
Without a single sound
I could make a million promises
And they would all be the same
For with the million stars I had
I could spell out your name.

If I had a million dreams
I'd see them in the air
And even rainbows shining bright
To you would not compare.

I'd dream my dreams and smile
With nothing else to do
For all the million dreams I had,
Would be of only you.

If I blew a million kisses
To the angels up above
They would wrap them in the softest clouds
To give to you my love.

And when they gave them straight to you
I know my life would start
For if I blew a million kisses
They would bring with them my heart.

If I wished a million wishes
The sun would shine so bright
And all the love within your eyes
Would light the darkest night.

You have caputred my lonely heart
With all your many charms
So when I wish my million wishes,
Hold me in your arms.

But I have not got a million stars
To try and spell your name
And I have not got a million dreams,
To play at Cupid's game
And I have not got a million wishes
My angel can't you see
With no starts, dreams, or wishes
All I have is me.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Inner Expression "*

Who is this person
Underneath my skin
Catching all my feelings
And hiding them within
Mental architechture
Building walls of mental structure
In moonlight's glow
My vines of patience grow
My thoughts often tower
Getting way too tall
My feelings often cower
When the towers fall.
I'm traped inside this mood
Number 22
Feeling transparent
Harmonic current
Who is this person
Underneath my skin
Stealing all my feelings
And hiding them within
Nothing but a shadow
Underneath the sun
Nothing but an outline
Of a lonely skeleton.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Life "*

Alone I sit on the ocean of life
Floating around in my old, wooden chair
I look around at the blue everlasting water
And nothing but sadness is there.

I get up from the chair and walk on the surface
Careful that I won't fall in
I waste time, energy, and feelings
And I go back on that chair again.

What is the meaning of this endless road?
A road with no end or no hope
So ice and cold, and bloody, and brutal
A road with no way to my home.

I spend my first few years
On that surface so simple and calm
Walking on that flat ocean
Dancing on God's comforting palm.

Years go by, and the ocean gets deeper
Now wild and wavy, and blue
I drown in those miles of sadness
And I can't find my way through.

What is this battle I'm fighting?
Against an unkown enemy
But when I get through the waves, the blood, and the tears
I've found my way home and I'm free.
*
-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Love At First Sight "*

Our eyes would meet
Our lips would lock
Our hands would clasp
Our feet would walk.
If I was with you
We'd never part
Because I love you
With all of my heart.
If I met the one
I'd know it was true
Cause if I met the one
It would have to be you.
Your lips you shudder
But that is just fine,
You'd whisper " I love you."
I'd say "You're mine."

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Perfect "*

You're the perfect loving person
The perfect loving friend,
The most perfect boyfriend
You're perfect to the end.

I wish I was close by you
To hear that lovely voice
To listen to the things you say
Without a thought of choice.

To feel that soft, smooth skin
Across that gorgeous face
To hold your gentle hand
And chat with laughs and lace.

I'd stare into your eyes
And deep within your soul
I'd figure out your thoughts and dreams
And really take a toll.

But sadly we are no longer
Within each other's reach
We've slowly dirfted off,
Like pebbles along a beach.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" Smile Blue "*

I'm happy again it's true
I'm happy again it's you
I'm laughing now let's dance
I'm laughing now I'm blue
Did you know I love to dream?
The heart inside me loves to sing
I'm quiet now it's true
I'm quiet now it's you.
I'm laughing now let's dance
I'm laughing now I'm blue.
Did you know I love to smile?
Though I hide it all the while
I'm hopeful now it's true
I'm hopeful now it's you.
I'm laughing now let's dance
I'm laughing now I'm blue.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" One "*

One look, One touch, Is all I know
One heart, One love, So long ago
One life, One world, Broken and torn
One lie, One tear, And all is gone
One gift, One pain, Is all I know
One word, One step, You had to go.

*-IG-*

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## ildushja

*" The Mother "*

I see the pain
In your eyes
I hear the fear
In the baby's cries.
She was a woman,
A mother,
A friend in need,
Prepared to have
Another mouth to feed.
You stood by,
Through thick and thin,
Prayed she'd make it,
Prayed she'd win.
But she lost her life,
To save another,
The true quest
For a mother.
I'm sure you will miss her
More than a lot
From all of the battles
That she fought.
But do not worry,
She'll be fine
And so will the child
She left behind.

*-IG-*

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