# Argëtim & zbavitje > Humor shqiptar >  Joke of the day

## Blis

A woman takes a lover home during the day while
her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly,
sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
...The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing

that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice"
Boy : "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: "My Dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250"

In the next few weeks, it happens again that the
boy and the lover are in the closet together.

Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
The lover, remembering the last time,
asks the boy, How much?"
Boy: "$750"
Man: "Sold."

A few days later, the Dad says to the boy, "Grab
your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch."
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove."

The Dad asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy: "$1,000"

The Dad says, "That's terrible to over charge your
friends like that...that is way more than those two
things cost. I'm taking you to church, to confession."

They go to the church and the Dad makes the little
boy sit in the confessional booth and closes the door.

The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again;
you're in my closet now."

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## thirsty

haha, e kam degjuar edhe ne shqip


________________-

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.
The one turns to the other and says "Dam!"

___________________-
At school little Johnny learns about medicines.
The lady teacher asks the pupils what kind of medicines they know and what they are used for.

The first pupil said: Tylenol?
Very good! And what is it used for?
It is used for headache.

The second pupil said: Nytol
Excellent. And what it is used for?
To help you sleep.

Now it is Johnny's turn and he said:Viagra
Johnny. What is it used for?
I think it can be used for diarrhea.
Who told you this?
Nobody, but every evening my mother tells my father 'take a Viagra, maybe that little shit will get harder'.

________________-
The science teacher stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world, what would it be?"

Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is worth a lot of money and I could buy a Corvette." The teacher nodded, and then she called on little Susie.

Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Porsche." The teacher smiled, and then she called on Little Johnny.

Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicone."

The teacher said, "Silicone? Why silicone, Little Johnny?"

"Because my mom has two bags of the stuff and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!"


hahaha lmao  :ngerdheshje:

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## Blis

If a person who speaks many languages is called multilingual and a person who speaks two languages is called bilingual, what is a person called who speaks only one language?
An American.
 :ngerdheshje:

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## thirsty

A long time ago, in Communist Russia, there was a famous weather man named Rudolf.

He's always had a 100% accuracy rate for his forecasts of the Russian weather conditions. His people loved him and
respected him for his faultless foresight. He was particularly good at predicting rain. One night, despite clear skies, he made the prediction on the 6:00pm news broadcast that a violent storm was approaching. It would flood the town in which he and his wife lived. He warned the people to take proper precautions and prepare for the worst.

After he arrived home later that evening, his wife met him at the door and started arguing with him that his weather prediction was the most ridiculous thing she had ever heard. This time, she said, he had made a terrible mistake. There
wasn't a cloud anywhere within 10 miles of the village. As a matter of fact, that day had been the most beautiful day that the town had ever had and it was quite obvious to everyone it simply wasn't going to rain.

He told her she was to be quiet and listen to him. If he said it was going to rain, IT WAS GOING TO RAIN. He had all
of his Russian heritage behind him and he knew what he was talking about. She argued that although he came from a proud
heritage, IT STILL WASN'T GOING TO RAIN.

They argued back and forth for hours , so much that they went to bed mad at each other.

During the night, sure enough one of the worst rainstorms hit the village the likes of which they had never seen. That
morning when Rudolf and his wife arose, they looked out the window and saw all the water that had fallen that night.

"See," said Rudolf, "I told you it was going to rain."

His wife admitted: "Once again your prediction came true. But I want to know, just how were you so accurate, Rudolf?"

To which he replied, "You see, Rudolf the Red knows rain dear!"

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## Blis

The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet and polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, “Oh, sir, did you know that your barracks door is open?”

He did n...ot understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his new employee.

Calling her in, he asked, “By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?”

The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, “Why, no sir. all I saw was a little, disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!”

Lmao  :ngerdheshje: 


A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town. They were about to have sex when the girl stopped.

"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The man reluct...antly paid her, and they did their thing.

After a cigarette, the man just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.

"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25..."

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## A.V.A.T.A.R

Me duket se ky eshte F\SH , jo F/usa

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## thirsty

> Me duket se ky eshte F\SH , jo F/usa


ok

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!" 

-----------------------------
10 burra, ende e virgjër
Një avokat u martua me një grua që e kishte ndarë më parë burrat e dhjetë.

Në natën e tyre të dasmës, ajo i tha burrit të saj të ri, "Ju lutem të jetë i butë, unë jam ende e virgjër."

"Çfarë?" tha se e dhëndërit në mëdyshje.

"Si mund të jetë nëse ju keni qenë të martuar dhjetë herë?"

"E pra, burri # 1 ishte një përfaqësues i shitjes: ai e mbajti më thoni mua se sa e madhe kjo do të ishte.

Burri # 2 ishte në shërbimet software: ai kurrë nuk ishte me të vërtetë i sigurt se si ajo është dashur të funksionojnë, por ai tha se do të shikojmë në të dhe të kthehet në mua.

Burri # 3 ishte nga shërbimet fushë: ai tha se çdo gjë kontrollohet nga diagnostikuese, por ai thjesht nuk mund të marrë të sistemit up.

Burri # 4 ishte në Telemarketing: edhe pse ai e dinte se ai kishte urdhër, ai nuk e di se kur ai do të jetë në gjendje për të ofruar.

Burri # 5 ishte një inxhinier: ai e kuptoi procesin themelore, por donte tre vjet të hulumtimit, të zbatuar, dhe hartimin e një shteti të ri-e-artit-metodë.

Burri # 6 ishte nga financa dhe administratë: ai mendonte se ai e dinte se si, por ai nuk ishte i sigurt nëse ajo ishte puna e tij apo jo.

Burri # 7 ishte në marketing: edhe pse ai kishte një produkt të mirë, ai nuk ishte i sigurt se si të pozitës atë.

Burri # 8 ishte një psikolog: gjitha ai ndonjëherë ishte flasim për këtë.

Burri # 9 ishte një gjinekolog: të gjitha ai nuk u duken në të.

Burri # 10 ishte një koleksionist pullash: të gjitha ai ndonjëherë ishte ... Zot! I miss atë! Por tani që unë e kam martuar ju, unë jam i gëzuar me të vërtetë! "

"Mirë," tha burri i ri ", por, pse?"

"Ju jeni një avokat. Këtë herë unë e di unë jam gonna get dehur!"

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## Viola.V

> A woman takes a lover home during the day while
> her husband is at work.
> 
> Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly,
> sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
> ...The woman's husband also comes home.
> She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing
> 
> that the little boy is in there already.
> ...


Ahahaha...sa kam qeshur.

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## Viola.V

> Me duket se ky eshte F\SH , jo F/usa


Mos harroni se shqiptaret dine dhe gjuhe te huaja . Then you have to beat the english out of them before they come to this forum .

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## Blis

> Me duket se ky eshte F\SH , jo F/usa


Rrofsh qe me kujtove  :buzeqeshje:  ,for jor informejshen,(per informacionin tend)usa shkruhet me shkronja te medha ''USA''  :buzeqeshje:  Nuk ka asnje problem te hapesh nje teme ne gjuhe te huaj. Ti ,edhe gjithe te tjeret jeni te lire te merrni apo jo pjese. Problemi eshte ti mohosh dikujt nje deshire,apo te drejte . Pak me elsatike,njerez  :buzeqeshje: 

Joke of the day:
Couple in a bar having a few beers...
Husband: I love you
Wife: Is that you or the beer speaking?
Husband: It's me speaking to the beer!!!

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## A.V.A.T.A.R

> Mos harroni se shqiptaret dine dhe gjuhe te huaja . Then you have to beat the english out of them before they come to this forum .



Ta pret mendja se sdi gje rreth anglishtes.. Megjithse jam 14 vjec e   kam pervetesuar mjaft mire . Thjesht nuk kisha nerva qe ta lexoj ate shaka ne gjuhen angleze

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## A.V.A.T.A.R

> Rrofsh qe me kujtove  ,for jor informejshen,(per informacionin tend)usa shkruhet me shkronja te medha ''USA''  Nuk ka asnje problem te hapesh nje teme ne gjuhe te huaj. Ti ,edhe gjithe te tjeret jeni te lire te merrni apo jo pjese. Problemi eshte ti mohosh dikujt nje deshire,apo te drejte . Pak me elsatike,njerez 
> 
> Joke of the day:
> Couple in a bar having a few beers...
> Husband: I love you
> Wife: Is that you or the beer speaking?
> Husband: It's me speaking to the beer!!!


Shkruhet : for your information , jo for jor informejshen :P ,  Anyway , this joke was nice . lol

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## thirsty

Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML


hahah


------------------------
English to Albanian translation
Sot, unë kam ardhur në shtëpi për të gjetur një goditje I përdorur më parë për të pres jashtë në shtratin tim me sy googly dhe një gojë të tërhequr në atë me një shënim që të lexoni "Sepse ju nuk mund të gjeni një vajzë e vërtetë, unë e bëra atë që kishit prettier, Mami Love. "FML

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## Blis

My girlfriend and I were happily dating together.But there was something bothering me:her hot younger sister.She wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses and she was really hot.One day my girlfriend called me over to her house.Her parents were away.As soon as I get in, my girlfriends sister came right AT me. She whispered in my ear, that she wanted to make love to me .I was stunned,frozen in shock. I  stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car.
My girlfriend was standing outside.With tears in her eyes she hugged me and said ''I'm so happy you passed my little test.Now,I completly trust you''. 


The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.
LOL  :ngerdheshje:

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## Blis

> Shkruhet : for your information , jo for jor informejshen :P ,  Anyway , this joke was nice . lol


A.V.A.T.A.R I'm glad you liked the joke.Hopefully,it made you smile because that was my intention  :buzeqeshje:

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## thirsty

A Quickie Please

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated. All the waitresses are gorgeous. A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing a very short skirt comes to his table and asks, "What would you like, sir?"
He looks at the menu and then scans her beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers, "A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust. After she regains her composure she returns and asks again, "What would you like, sir?" Again the man thoroughly checks her out and again answers, "A quickie, please."

This time her anger takes over, she reaches over and slaps him across the face with a resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over and whispers, "Um, Pal, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

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## Blis

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. 
A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. 
"Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" 
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." 
He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" 
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. 
She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!" 
The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...... 
A r e  m y  t e s t  r e s u l t s  b a c k?

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## thirsty

Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike is dead??!!!"

"Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

"Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."

"What a horrible way to die!"

"No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

"What a way to go, that's terrible!"

"No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

"Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

"No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."

"Man, what a way to go!"

"No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."

"Now that is one awful way to go!"

"No no, he survived that..."

"Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"

"I shot him!"

"You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"

"He was wrecking my house."

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## PINK

> A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. 
> A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. 
> "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" 
> Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet." 
> He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" 
> Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. 
> She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!" 
> The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...... 
> A r e  m y  t e s t  r e s u l t s  b a c k?


 :ngerdheshje: . funny . loool

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## Blis

What are the similarities of BAR & BRA 

1. Both words have the same alphabets 
2. Both are drinking zones 
3. Both have restricted timing for opening & closing 
4. More importantly, Both makes Men crazy when open !!

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